July 21, 2008

Here We Are.

Today the movers are packing up my parents' house. And I'm stuck at work.

It's days like this where working two days a week is still an inconvenience, because it always falls on the days you just need a break.

Yesterday evening I briefly went over for us to give Dad his birthday gifts (more on that later), and afterward I went upstairs to my room to gather the things that I didn't want the movers touching. It wasn't a lot; I don't have anything severely valuable. But it was things like old letters, pictures, cassette tapes from way back, a few books. You would think that I would've done all of this when I got married and moved out, and to some degree I did. But it's different when all the stuff going to be moved from the spot that it's been in for 8 years or so.

I've never known what it's like to live in a house for a lifetime. This is the longest I've ever lived in one place. So I suppose it's all relative. I went through drawers and came up with a pile of things to throw away. When I put them in the trashcan I thought....this trash represents so many years and so many emotions! There were moments while I was gathering my special things that I tried to become emotional and couldn't. Then there were moments when I would just walk around my house and kind of take it in for the last time, as I'll always remember it. The hardest thing is that even though I will still live here awhile, I can't go to that house anymore. A new family will be there, she'll decorate it how she likes, and they'll just live there like we did. But it won't be a place where I'm able to go anymore, and that just hurts.

I think it's just today. I won't be able to watch as the things are packed up slowly. If/when I go over tonight or tomorrow, it will be this sudden transformation that I won't recognize. I'm not trying to make this a depressing post, but it's all I can think about today. I've not talked about the move or anything much, and that's by choice. But today it's just unavoidable.

As I was saying earlier, last night we gave Dad his presents. It was a good time together, albeit brief. Tuesday night we're going to all go out to eat, and I'm looking forward to that. All I'm going to say about my Dad at this point in time is that I'm just proud of him. I'm so proud of the fact that I'm his daughter. On his last Sunday at CHBC, I was incredibly selfish. All I could think to myself was, Thank goodness he's my Dad and I never have to stop seeing him. And he'll be my pastor again! Again, not the most selfless way to think, but I'm just being honest. There's no adequate words to describe the relationship I have with my dad. It's just something that I've always known, and as I get older, I start to see qualities in both of my parents that I never knew existed. It's a good feeling.

I'm not sure how I'll handle the next days and weeks. But I am so confident that God has had His hand in showing my parents where to go, and that gives me a great peace. Also, I've been given the blessing of living close to them in the future.

So I end this post by saying Happy Birthday to my wonderful, wonderful Dad, and lots of love to my favorite people in the world :o)

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Jennifer said...

I know this must be a hard day for you! I've been there...seeing a house packed up is one of my least favorite things. I cry every time!!

I'll definitely be praying for you all today!

mrs.leah.maria said...

How incredibly difficult and such a trying time. I had a hard enough time packing belongings when I married, but by all intents and purposes my parents have and will live in the house I grew up in for the rest of their lives. I can't imagine hun, but I'll pray you through the day.

Momotot said...

Uh-oh! You found me! I know my blog will never be as exciting to read as yours. I think I have like 5 people who read mine and some of those are my own family! Oh well, it's fun. I just wish I had more time to spend making it cuter!

demetria said...

bless you, my sweet friend!!! i pray God continues to give you His peace through the many transitions you are making. . . wife, mother-to-be, and so on.

Tiffany said...

Oh Ashley,
I'm sorry this is so hard, emotionally. I understand completely. When my daddy passed, I took off all the time I had left at work to go home, and prepare the arrangments for a memorial there and then have him flown to Colorado for a military funeral and burial there. So, a few months later, when my mom sold our family home and packed everything up and moved out of state, I didn't even get the chance to go. It left me somewhat w/out a sense of closure. And now, my step-father (if you can even call him that-he was only married to my mom a year and two months b/f her death,) has gotten rid of all my belongings. Even though he promised it would all be there until I could come and get it. Furniture, clothes, pictures, family videos of vacations ect., Christmas ornaments collected over the years, my wedding dress(which my mom had cleaned and vacume sealed and was in the guest bedroom closet,) my mom's angel collection, my daddys old records, paintings, everything- gone! Sorry, I get a little worked up talking about this. But, I try very hard to keep reminding myself over and over that it's just stuff. But, it is still hard sometimes. And I'm sure it's doubly hard fighting the "mommy to be emotions." You are so lucky to still have them in your life and that they are able to share in this beautiful, joyous time. What I'd give to have seen my mom and dad hold my precious babies, just once. But, I am glad I had them with me on my wedding day. What a beautiful memory to treasure. Anyway- I'm with you, change is hard! But the growth that comes out of it is beautiful, and so worth it.~Blessings

Christy said...

I am sorry that they have to go!!! Packing houses always make me sad too. I am praying for you!

Carrie and David said...

I'll pray for you during this tough transition phase! Hopefully we can get together soon. Let me know when things settle down and you have time! :o)

Kearsmom said...

Happy Birthday to your Dad!! We will miss him (and your mom, and Will, Andrea, and Alyssa) so much!

You are so blessed to have such a sweet relationship with your parents.

Ro said...

Oh, Ashley, tears fall as I read. I will miss your parents so much. I got on the church website last monday and clicked on one of the minute w/ Mark clips, heard your dad's voice, and started bawling-the cry that my own mother used to comment, "If you knew how ugly you are when you cry, you wouldn't do that...." Anyway, I don't recommend it. I still drive by the house that I lived in the longest in Batesville sometimes...it is awkward, I want to go inside but I know that it will not be the same. I am praying for you and for your parents. Your dad will always be the pastor in your life. I have learned that from Lawrence. Your father is the only pastor that Lawrence has really claimed as his in addition to his Dad. Your dad has left a mark on many hearts here in the Jackson area. I am just thankful, at least for now, that we have you and Kurt!

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