January 9, 2009


I finished the fourth Twilight book, Breaking Dawn, tonight. I must say, it's bittersweet! On one hand, I was glad to see how the story ends, and to see resolution with the characters/events. However, I'm one of those people that just hates to say goodbye to characters. But I am SO glad I finished this series before Evy gets here! Not that I would've abandoned my child to read books....but you know what I'm saying. When you have a baby in the house, book obsessions definitely don't rank very high.

I guess it's all been hitting me recently; what is about to happen. Like I've said before, I've handled this pregnancy very differently than I thought I would my whole life. I don't think the incredible joy, bonding, love, and amazement will hit me until they hand her to me. I know that sounds calloused and removed, and that's not even necessarily how I feel; there's just still a sense of anonymity about her. What will she look like? Will she be good-natured or cry a lot? Will she favor my personality or Kurt's? It's just all these things that you can't possibly know while they're still growing inside. Don't get me wrong....there are moments when I feel like if she doesn't come tomorrow I will go crazy because I can't wait to hold and cuddle her. And then there are other moments, like tonight, when Kurt's on call....that I look around my quiet living room, having eaten whatever I wanted for supper (Spaghettios), at my own leisure, watching whatever I want to on TV, that I realize that I'm about to be totally redefined as a person. I won't just be Ashley; I'll be Ashley AND "Mom."

I know that people will leave comments about this and reassure me that there's no greater thing on earth than to be a mother. Trust me, I KNOW! I have wanted this my entire life, and I have absolute confidence that this is what God has planned for us. But I just wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that there are sometimes when it's all just a lot to take in. But when I picked up the monogrammed diaper bag today and bought a little smocked Christmas dress that was on sale...I felt "it." That twinge of excitement that you can't hold back----I'm about to be a mom! And honestly, I can't wait :o)

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Tommy, Suzanne, and Mary Peyton said...

i'm so ready to finish breaking dawn, but there's never time for me to just sit down and read - guess that's the "mom" part of me coming out. well, not just that. the whole working full time, making cakes, etc., etc.

i'm reading today, though!!!

Joy and Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindsey said...

I am dying to see some nursery pics! Hope you'll post them soon!

Carrie and David said...

I totally get what you're saying. Motherhood IS the the greatest thing, like you said, but it's also a HUGE life-change and that can be scary. You're going to be a great mom!

PS I accidentally posted under my sister-in-law's account the first time. Sorry!

Tiffany said...

The last month or so- all sorts of crazy horomones come into play. I mean your body may seem to feel tired and slow, but its doing some of it's hardest work. Your baby is doing it's last little bit of development, and they double their weight in the last month. Your body is getting ready to deliver a little life and start producing milk. There are some BIG changes going on. And with so much going on your emotions are bond to be on a rooler coaster ride.

One min. your excited and giddy with anticipation, the next your back aches, you can't sleep and you're so uncomfortable you're ready just to get this baby out of you, already. You're not calloused or removed, you're just a normal preg. woman. You're just sharing honestly the ups and downs. Another young mom to be may read this and say thank the Lord I'm not the only one, ya know? On to other things...I came by b/c I tagged you for a photo meme.

Ro said...

Yes, Ashley...these are normal feelings and emotions. You will be fabulous! There are going to be ups and downs. Call when you need/ want to talk.. or cry ...or scream... or laugh. It is definitely a ride, but true, an amazing one!

Melody said...

I think everyone has had those feelings and even after she gets here, you will sometimes wish for that quietness you had but you won't feel that as much as you feel the joy of having her with you...to look into a child's face and see yourself in them is an amazing feeling!

Christy said...

ditto what everyone else said ;)

I felt the same way after finishing Breaking the Dawn-and then I reread the series LOL.

Rene said...

Your honesty is refreshing, and yes, you are going to be a great mom!!!

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