I guess it's all been hitting me recently; what is about to happen. Like I've said before, I've handled this pregnancy very differently than I thought I would my whole life. I don't think the incredible joy, bonding, love, and amazement will hit me until they hand her to me. I know that sounds calloused and removed, and that's not even necessarily how I feel; there's just still a sense of anonymity about her. What will she look like? Will she be good-natured or cry a lot? Will she favor my personality or Kurt's? It's just all these things that you can't possibly know while they're still growing inside. Don't get me wrong....there are moments when I feel like if she doesn't come tomorrow I will go crazy because I can't wait to hold and cuddle her. And then there are other moments, like tonight, when Kurt's on call....that I look around my quiet living room, having eaten whatever I wanted for supper (Spaghettios), at my own leisure, watching whatever I want to on TV, that I realize that I'm about to be totally redefined as a person. I won't just be Ashley; I'll be Ashley AND "Mom."
I know that people will leave comments about this and reassure me that there's no greater thing on earth than to be a mother. Trust me, I KNOW! I have wanted this my entire life, and I have absolute confidence that this is what God has planned for us. But I just wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that there are sometimes when it's all just a lot to take in. But when I picked up the monogrammed diaper bag today and bought a little smocked Christmas dress that was on sale...I felt "it." That twinge of excitement that you can't hold back----I'm about to be a mom! And honestly, I can't wait :o)