Parenting: Sleep Methods

Hi everyone,

We've been getting back into the swing of things after traveling, and it's going great! I love being home and getting back into a "routine," if you can call it that. I wrote in an earlier post about how we're needing to break Evy's habit of still waking up in the middle of the night. Jennifer (who has a daughter named Evie!) asked me about what our sweet pediatrician advised, and I thought that maybe one or two other people out there would benefit too. So, here we go!

Basically, Dr. Payne and I came up with a method based on Babywise and the Ferber method to break the nighttime habit. These two methods encourage waiting to intervene to assess what the true need is, and going in at small intervals to comfort the baby while letting them fuss it out. (I'll put up some resource links at the end of this post.) The basic plan is for me to wait 5 minutes when Evy starts to cry and night before I respond, then I intervene as little as possible, until she breaks the habit of waking up.

Tuesday night, I put her down at 9 pm as usual, and then at midnight she was awake. I went in, made sure everything was okay, and tried to give a paci. Then I waited 5 full minutes. But she was really crying. So I went ahead and fed her and then she slept until 11 am the next morning!! She then proceeded to take a 3 hour nap that afternoon! I think this is a pretty good cue that she's transitioning into 2 naps a day, rather than the 3 she's been taking.

Last night, I put her down at 9 pm, and she slept until 4 am. Now, by the traditional definition, that was a 7-hour stretch, and could be considered "sleeping through the night," but that's just not reasonable! So at 4 am, I went in, gave her a paci, made sure she was covered and everything was okay. Then I sat in the living room right next to her room and just waited. She wimpered off and on for about 20 minutes, but never got to a full-on fuss or cry. Then, she fell back asleep and slept until 9:30 am this morning!!!! I was so proud.

For us, cold turkey seems to be cutting it, based on last night. It proved what I've known for some time: she doesn't need the feeding, it's purely a habit.

Like I've said before, we used Babywise early on with Evy, but modified it to fit our needs. For instance, we don't start our day at the same time everyday religiously. I'm just okay with it being within a ballpark time, and it really doesn't throw Evy off. Some babies need the consistency of the same time every morning, but Evy seems to do just fine if it's flexible.

Also, like I said before, I don't feel like we failed in doing Babywise, and here's why:

-She learned to give us a 7ish hour stretch of sleep
-She got her days and nights figured out
-She can go to sleep in her crib on her own
-She has a cycle of routine throughout the day so she knows what to expect
-I feel like we have a plan!

I will not ever preach a "method" to anyone when it comes to babies or routines or parenting. That's just not my place or personality. I don't believe babies are "one-size-fits-all." However, we made Babywise work for us, and it helped us solve the issues we were having early on. Now, because of habit, Evy has gotten used to waking up more than she should and so we're implementing other ideas to help with that particular issue. I don't really write about my "parenting philosophy" very much because I don't subscribe to one school of thought. That's why I love being a parent: it's for Kurt and I to decide how we want to go about raising our child. There's a lot of freedom in picking and choosing different methods and ideas and just winging it. However, my one goal is to never "over-think" anything. Over-analyzing is stressful and does not make you a better parent, in my young-mom opinion. In my 6 1/2 months of doing this, I've come to the conclusion that parenting shouldn't be something that is legalistic, rule-driven, and rigid. In so many ways, it parallels what our spiritual life should be like. Jesus came to free us of all of that. That's kind of a neat correlation... :o)

I don't know if this helped anyone or not, but it's nice for me to just write things out so I'll have it for reference next time around!

Here are some references that help me and describe the methods I'm talking about:

Babywise Mom is a great resource for those using Babywise. The Babywise book itself can be a little confusing and hard to find the quick answers you need, and this is an organized site from a mom is currently going through Babywise. Warning: this can be overwhelming to read, because readers send in their individual questions and the mom answers them to the best of her ability. I just occasionally use this as a resource for when I have a question on how to handle something like transitioning to a different nap schedule (like what we're doing right now). I wouldn't recommend reading this everyday, because you'll feel like it's over-analyzing EVERYTHING. But just use it to answer your questions (she has easy-to-find labels).

The Ferber Method : This link is an article that discusses the Ferber method and how to implement it. Dr. Ferber's book is called "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems."

NOTE: Some doctors say that a child can't neurologically "pull it together" and fall asleep on their own, so "cry it out" techniques are bad for the baby and don't work. My pediatrician (who I trust completely) said that every baby is different, and Evy was one of those that could fall asleep on her own at a young age. The only difference between Babywise and the Ferber method (when it comes to sleep) is that you're not supposed to start Ferber until the baby is 5-6 months old. Babywise suggests starting routine and a flexible schedule when the baby is about a month old, but it's done in baby steps and you work to accomplish small goals, one at a time. Please understand: we NEVER let Evy get to the screaming stage and always made sure that her needs were being met. With all the controversy out there about Babywise, I think it's important to note that the Babywise authors say that common sense is the main proponent for their method to work. Every baby is different, and no system can work on every child!

Let me know if this helps anyone! :o)