Parenting: Philosophypalooza

This post has been writing itself in my head for a long time, and I don't really know why I want to write it; I just do. So I'm going to.

Basically, when I got pregnant with Evy Katie, I was really shocked at just how many "Parenting Philosophies" and decisions you make when you're about to become or have become a parent. My mom and I were talking about this recently, and she pointed out that the internet really spurred this on. When I was a baby, my mom simply asked her close friends what they were doing, they bounced ideas off of each other, and that was that. Now, you google "diapering options" or "baby food" and you not only get the Wikipedia definition, but every single philosophy, school of thought, opinion, and religious conviction that comes along with it. Has anyone been there?

I've personally noticed that the trend lately is natural parenting. Intervention-free birth, cloth diapering, make your own baby food, don't vaccinate and/or delay vaccinating....you get the idea. Now, I know that a majority of people that choose to do these things aren't doing it because it's more on trend right now; they have different reasons/convictions for doing them. And that's fine. I am not criticizing natural parenting. (Please re-read that statement four times before proceeding.) But there are times when I feel out of the loop or like I'm looked at as a snob because we don't do these things. Sometimes I feel like I'm the poster child for non-natural parenting!

There are so many blogs and articles and posts supporting and heralding natural parenting. I guess I just want to put it out there that just because I haven't chosen to do these things, doesn't make me a selfish snob who doesn't care about the well-being of our finances, the environment or my child {which is how I'm made to feel some of the time}.

Just because I feel like it, here are our decisions that we've made when it comes to some of the options out there. I know some of you will disagree, and that's fine. But it's liberating to put in writing what we've decided to do and to be unapologetic about it, because so many other parents feel free to do the same. So, without further ado....

Childbirth: I did everything that's not popular right now. I was induced which ended in a C-section. It was strange because I honestly felt nervous about saying that we were inducing, and it was even more taboo that I ended up having a C-section and liked it. I knew that I was going to have an epidural regardless of the delivery outcome. I felt that if I attempted to do it naturally, I wouldn't be present and in the moment---I would be obsessed with managing the pain. I know that some people say the opposite is true: you're more in control without medication. Personal choice. Induction seems to be a terrible word these days. Honestly, I wanted my husband present for the birth of our child, and if he had been at work, it would've been too bad. Seriously. He can't just leave the hospital in the middle of a surgery. And that terrified me. So when we decided to induce, I was at peace. Plus, I'm Type-A, and I loved knowing when we would go to the hospital. The night before Evy was born was a wonderful night for me. I got zero sleep and compulsively watched You've Got Mail and loved every minute of it.

I liked having a C-section. GASP!!!!!!! I won't go into all the reasons, but it just suited me. And I'm not going to apologize or feel like "less of a woman" for that. The bottom line is that I had a healthy baby. She is beautiful and healthy and happy, and she arrived via C-section. I have no regrets.

Feeding: I knew I was going to nurse Evy. There was no question in my mind. However, when the time came in the hospital, Evy was having issues. My sweet friend who is a lactation consultant gave me my saving grace: the Medela nursing shield. Evy instantly was able to nurse. There are hardcore naturalists who believe that nursing with something like a shield is cheating and isn't a healthy habit for a baby to have. Um, they're nursing. Quit complaining. I still use it, and I'm actually going to with the rest of my children. It just works for me for numerous reasons.

When Evy was about 3-4 months, I started having a terrible time pumping bottles. My brain knew the difference between Evy and the pump. It was awful. I felt like I couldn't have any help or relief because I couldn't make a bottle. It came to a head on our Texas trip this summer, when I was literally about to crash. My sweet aunt and mom told me that it was okay to try some formula, and Evy took it with absolutely no problems. From then on, when I need relief or we're out and I can't/choose not to nurse, this is a wonderful option. If I had to do it over again, I would pump a ton of bottles right after having the baby. I'll know to do this next time. However, we introduced Evy to a bottle (of breastmilk) very quickly after birth and she has never had trouble taking a bottle. Ever. I know it's "not a good idea" to go between nursing and formula, but it works for us. She nurses about 90% of the time. But I am a firm believer in doing what it takes to keep from having a meltdown, and for me, that was using formula. I'm still nursing Evy and we take it a month at a time. If everything continues to go well, we'll probably go several more months, or even to a year. We'll see!

Diapering: We use disposable, store-bought diapers. Honestly, cloth-diapering wasn't something I ever considered, even when I heard everyone and their dog talking about it. It just wasn't something majorly important to us, and we haven't had any problems with it. To some people, adjusting to cloth and doing a little more work to diaper is totally fine and worth it. To me, time is money. I just prefer a disposable diaper. It's my personal choice.

Baby food: We buy our baby food. Everyone tells me to try making it. It saves money, it's so easy, it's so much healthier. It's not that I don't think I can work a food processor. I know that I am capable of making baby food. But again....it's just not something I've chosen to do. If I felt like I was compromising Evy's health in not giving her homemade food, I would absolutely make it myself. But at least for right now, she's fine. I'm fine. And I'm buying baby food.

Vaccinations: Trust me, I believe in doing your research and making sure that you're making the best medical decisions for your child. But Kurt and I firmly believe that vaccinating just isn't an option. For the safety and well-being of our children and those around us, we believe that vaccinating is imperative. Those against vaccinations say that it's not pure and natural to put those things in a child's body. Well, children were dying by the hundreds and thousands before vaccines. This is just something we feel really strongly about.

Sleeping: You know the drill: co-sleeping vs. crib, etc. etc. The first few weeks, Evy slept in our room in her little vibrating bouncy seat. She never slept well in her bassinet. We didn't have a problem with her sleeping in our room; we just thought it was best that she be in a bassinet close to our bed, and not actually in the bed with us. I don't believe that in the first few weeks of life bad habits can form and your child is still sleeping with you at age six. However, Kurt and I just needed to keep our bed ours. It was my only space at the end of the day that I felt was still mine. Evy moved to her crib around 5 weeks. She just likes her own space! On the worst night of her newborn existence (Kurt and I have it etched in our brains forever), I even tried nursing her in bed, hoping she would fall asleep. She didn't. She hated it. Since she started sleeping in her crib so early, she never knew a difference. So, when I comes to co-sleeping, I guess it depends on what your definition of co-sleeping is. If it means the baby in bed with you, that wasn't for us. If it means the baby sleeps in a bassinet right next to the bed for the first few weeks, I'm totally in favor.

I wrote more about our baby sleep experiences here.

Discipline: I normally wouldn't write about something we have yet to experience in the traditional sense, but here's one thing we've already found with an 8-month-old: Starting immediately, you have to steer them in the direction you're aiming to go (within reason). I understand that every child is different and some may have different responses, but generally speaking, babies don't just do major things on their own. The best example for us is, again, sleep. We came up with a decision about how we wanted to handle the sleeping issue, and we put it into practice. Evy responded, and even though it hasn't always been a breeze (by any means), she has done really well with consistency and predictability. Again: every child is different. I am only speaking from our personal experience. But I think sometimes some parents feel like things will just naturally progress and occur without any guidance from them. In some cases this is true. But it wasn't for us.

Babywearing: I love carriers and slings, and have used them from time to time, but one thing we did with Evy was teach her to independently play. And no, we don't just sit her in front of the TV. At most, she watches a Baby Faith DVD for 20-30 minutes every day, but that's when she's having a fussy time and needs to relax. I adore my baby and can't get enough of her, but I didn't want her to be dependent on being held. Like I said, I love slings and carriers; I think they're super cute and save your back a lot of pain. But I don't use them because I have the attachment parenting philosophy.


I hope this post didn't come across the wrong way. I just wanted to put it out there that not everyone chooses to do the all-natural thing. I think that having so many choices and decisions to make is a blessing and a curse. It helps personal family choices become more accepted (like homeschooling for instance) but it can also be information overload which leads to over analyzing and stressing to the max.

The bottom line for me: As long as you're loving your baby to the fullest and doing what God has truly led you to do, fabulous. Parenting means that you're responsible for the physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness of another human being. That's huge. My number one "Parenting Philosophy" is that my child, Evy, and all the rest of the children that we pray to have are the Lord's. He is letting me experience the joy of raising a few little people who will (prayerfully) carry on a godly legacy. He's also giving Kurt and I the opportunity to know the emotion of unconditional love, which teaches us more about God's love for us.

So, in conclusion, the Lancaster Parenting Philosophy:

Deuteronomy 11:18-20
¹⁸ “So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. ¹⁹ Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ²⁰ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Titus 2:11-14
¹¹ "For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. ¹² And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, ¹³ while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. ¹⁴ He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds."

For our sons (should we be blessed with any) and Kurt:

From Titus 2:
² "Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience."

⁶ "In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. ⁷ And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. ⁸ Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us."

For our daughter(s) and myself:

From Titus 2:
⁴ "These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, ⁵ to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,^b]">[b] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.


¹⁰ ^b]">[b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹⁷ She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.

²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.

²⁸ Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”

We are developing more family rules and principles that I'll share soon. What a privilege and responsibility parenting is! What is your family philosophy?