Yesterday was one of the saddest days I've had in awhile. I need to say first that everyone in my family is fine; it was nothing like that. But yesterday was a day of very sad loss.
Our family dog, Muffy, died unexpectedly yesterday. She had been having episodes where we knew her little heart just wasn't keeping up, and was slowing down. She has been with our family for about 14 years, so this was just entirely upsetting; it's like we lost a family member. My dad took her to the vet yesterday morning because she was showing more signs of distress. She passed away at the vet's office, after the vet tried to save her. My dad came over to my house to tell me, and it was just one of the saddest moments. The only thing that helps is that I had an intuition that this was coming. About a week or two ago, Muffy started having these episodes, and something just told me it was about time. I sobbed and sobbed with Kurt one night last week, and I think that was really when I let my initial grief happen---before the fact. But it's still just as sad when it actually happens. I'm so glad that last week I took extra time to cuddle and love on her. I just knew. I love my sweet little Muffy Sue!
I hadn't mentioned it, but about a month ago my family's black lab, Penny, escaped her fence and we haven't seen her since. We have all been saddened by losing her, and then little Muff. I told Kurt it almost makes me want to never get a family pet for us; the loss is so upsetting. I know that's a terrible way to live....avoiding love because it could hurt. And we probably will get a family pet at some point, but not anytime soon. I can't handle it.
The good thing is, we have such wonderful, happy memories with our pets. I'm so thankful that God created animals for us to love and enjoy. In a sense, until you have a child, it's a little taste of unconditional love, which is a beautiful thing.
Yesterday was also upsetting because I got the news that a little girl I taught in 2 year old Sunday School back in Mississippi was killed in a tragic, freak accident. I got an initial email that she was being rushed to the hospital because of this accident, and then an hour or so later I received word that she had passed away. I found out about Muffy and little Lauren around the same time.
Of course, the loss of a child always puts into perspective the loss of anything else, but each are sad and deserving of grief. Recently after my friend Kristal brought up the topic, after a friend of mine lost a little boy at birth and now that little Lauren has passed away, I've had to really search for truth when it comes to the "why's" of losing a child. There's no way to make sense of it, but I just feel the need to collect my thoughts.
I think it's stating the obvious that we live in a fallen world, and tragedies happen because we live in a world that isn't perfect. However, God didn't initially create the world this way. He created a perfect, sinless, beautiful world, and because of man's choices, there is now sin and suffering. So God is not to blame.
Now the question arises: Why would God then ALLOW suffering and sin? If He has the power to take it away, why doesn't He? The simple answer is,"Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways." (Romans 11:33, NASB) We aren't MEANT to understand the mind of God.
However, as humans, it's so hard to be satisfied when we don't understand something. I KNOW that if Kurt and I ever lost one of our children, we would go through the process of being angry at God and questioning Him.
But ultimately, we must remember: Jesus (who is also God, being "three-in-one"), while on earth, experienced every human emotion that we face. He experienced it all. Dorothy Sayers wrote the following:
"For whatever reason God chose to make man as he is— limited and suffering and subject to sorrows and death—He had the honesty and the courage to take His own medicine. Whatever game He is playing with His creation, He has kept His own rules and played fair. He can exact nothing from man that He has not exacted from Himself. He has Himself gone through the whole of human experience, from the trivial irritations of family life and the cramping restrictions of hard work and lack of money to the worst horrors of pain and humiliation, defeat, despair and death. When He was a man, He played the man. He was born in poverty and died in disgrace and thought it well worthwhile" (Dorothy Sayers,"Creed or Chaos? New York, Harcourt Brace, 1949, p. 4).
Now, obviously, I don't believe that God is "playing a game" with His creation. He has a sovereign plan in all things: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) But even if one sentence was off, Ms. Sayers makes a strong point. When we search the Bible, we find that God's ultimate, all-encompassing emotion was love. He placed His own Son on the cross FOR US. He watched Him bleed and experience torture FOR US. He sacrificed his perfect, unblemished Son FOR US. That's radical, incredible love.
So ultimately, it's not a question of placing blame, faulting God, questioning His love and goodness, or determining that He couldn't be a kind, compassionate God. It's choosing how we will respond when the trials come. God doesn't allow anything to happen to us that He hasn't sifted through His hands and that we can't handle. (1 Corinthians 10:13) He is bringing out the character of God in us, so that His ultimate purpose can be revealed.
I know so many that have lost children: Angie, Julie, Emily, and I could go on and on. God is bringing so many people to a saving faith in Jesus Christ through their stories, and He is working miracles in their hearts through the stories of children. All of these women, and countless others, have said they would never survive each day (or even want to get out of bed) if it hadn't been for their faith in Christ. He has given them a "peace that passes all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) Their love and trust in the Lord in ALL circumstances has been completely inspiring in my life. They are my heroes, because of their godly responses to things that are beyond understanding.
I in NO WAY want to act like I have the answers on this topic, and there's no way that I can relate to the tragedy that is losing a child. This post is not meant to sound like a lecture, or be insensitive, or anything of that nature. It's simply where I'm sorting out my thoughts and findings in Scripture about something I've seen so much of lately. My prayers are constantly with those who are hurting, especially in the realm of losing what is most precious to you.
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Note: Josh McDowell wrote an article that really helped me with all of this, and it's where I got the quote by Dorothy Sayers. You can read the article here. Also: Even if you don't agree with me on this topic, out of respect for anyone who has lost a child, please keep your comments respectful and appropriate. I am not going to host a debate, because this topic is too sensitive. Thank you for understanding!
