Yes, Evy is going to be a big sister!
However, not in the way you might think.
Our next child will come to us through the miracle of international adoption, from the country of South Korea!
This has been such an incredible journey up to this point. In the wee hours of the morning on July 22, I was reading my friend Alison's blog. She and her family are adopting a baby girl from Ethiopia, and once I started reading her blog, something that can only be described as supernatural happened to me. I felt God's calling on my life concerning international adoption very clearly, and I wept in front of my computer as I realized that our family could--and should--do this. I like to say that something physical happened to me. My heart expanded and I knew I couldn't go back to the way I was before.
The next day I told Kurt, and I knew he'd be open to the idea, which he was. However, at that time, I felt that God was pulling my heart toward China. I had researched and found that the country requirements wouldn't qualify us, though. Both parents have to be 30, and the wait is around 4 years at this point. So I was thinking that maybe adoption would be far into the future for us, which Kurt completely agreed with.
However, something lingered in my heart and it wouldn't go away. I started looking into the South Korea programs, because I knew my heart was drawn to Asian countries. All of the requirements clicked: parents at least 25, at least 3 years of marriage, and a timeline that worked for us. It dawned on me that we could do this NOW. This could be possible for our second child!
Around this time, Kurt and I started to read the book "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore together. It totally shifted our thinking in how we looked at adoption. It basically parallels what Christ has done for us (we are adopted through Jesus Christ), and outlines the miracle of adoption in a way that is compelling and convicting.
Over the next few weeks, I was propelling forward in my love and passion for adoption. Kurt, however, hadn't felt the same peace. He was seeking the Lord and really praying about it, but just couldn't give a 100% yes to an immediate adoption. Kurt won't mind me saying this, but I was crushed during that time (late August). I couldn't understand why the Lord would give me a burning conviction for adoption and not speak to Kurt in the same way. I never questioned Kurt's spiritual depth--I know the God speaks to different people in different ways. But I still grieved the loss of this "vision," so to speak.
In late August, I told Kurt that we shouldn't proceed with adoption. If we weren't 100% on the same page, this would never work. So we stepped back from the process. Those were a hard few weeks. Not for our marriage; just for seeking God's will. I was so restless. I even fasted, praying for God's wisdom and guidance.
Then, around September 22, I was watching "Adoption Stories" on TLC. The adoption happened to be from--guess where?--South Korea. I Googled the agency this family used and came across information that South Korea is possibly aiming to close their adoption program by the year 2012. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.
That night, I knew I had to tell Kurt. I shared with him what I had learned, and before I knew it, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't even know that my emotions still ran that deep for the issue of adoption. I poured out my heart and Kurt was so sweet and tenderhearted to listen to me. He committed to really petition the Lord about the timing of our adoption. This time, there was a sense of urgency.
The next night, we got into bed and I said, "I just have so much on my mind." Kurt then told me that he had been praying that evening downstairs in the basement, where he usually does his reading, Bible study, etc. It's "his place." He told me that he really started to picture what adoption would look like for us. What it would be like to have an Asian child. What it would be like to take in a child at around 8-9 months old (on average). He said that he just felt right about it. He no longer saw it as foreign. He was at peace. He told me that we should proceed with adoption.
I was floored. Tears instantly came to eyes and I asked over and over, "Are you sure?" I wanted to make positively sure that this wasn't for ME. I wanted this to be in obedience to God and answering His call. He has reassured me over and over that he feels good about it, and he thinks this is the right thing to do; to step out in faith.
We are about to study the book "Radical" as a church. I truly believe that so many events have led up to this. Our position right now is that we are going to be obedient in saying "yes," and if God shuts the door through pregnancy or something related to the Korea program, we'll take that as a clear sign from Him.
I would be lying if I said there isn't a part of me that's a little scared. Of course I'm scared of the unknown! I can't believe we're actually doing this. But I am so, so excited. I am confident that we are truly living out what Christians are commanded to do.
I have been chronicling this process on a private adoption blog. I wanted to remember our journey from the very beginning, even when no one knew it was going on. I'm making it public now, so you can follow along on our journey. You can read through it and get some answers that you are probably wanting! Of course, please ask me anything and I'll do my best to answer if you can't find them on the adoption blog. CLICK HERE to see "Our Adoption Tapestry."
The hardest part of being obedient to Christ is taking that first step out of the boat and saying "yes." We are beginning a roller coaster of highs and lows, ups and downs. We are entering into many unknowns. But we know that when God asks something of us, He will equip us and guide us every step of the way.
The act of adoption is not only a physical one; it's infinitely more spiritual. We want the Lord to be glorified and praised through this process. This is our act of worship to the Lord:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
Over the course of this journey, I can't wait to show you the Scripture that I've found that has already ministered to me during this process. The Lord has already grown me in huge ways, and I'm so thankful that He has opened our hearts to this incredible experience. We covet your prayers and can't wait for the Lord to hopefully work in other families' hearts as well.
Lord, we are saying "YES!"
당신과 함께 오전에, 두려워하지 말고, 내가 동쪽에서 아이를 데려오기도하고 서쪽에서 너희를 수집합니다.
이사야 43:5
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west."
Isaiah 43:5
이사야 43:5
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west."
Isaiah 43:5
