I'm a night owl, but even by my standards I was up too late last night. I was just wired for some reason! I just couldn't make myself go to bed. It was a little after 2am, and I went upstairs and got in bed. Right after that, Liam started crying. I noticed right away it wasn't his usual fuss where he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night. It was just different. I went in and checked his diaper, which was clean and tried to rock him. The only way I can describe it is that I just felt a difference in how he was crying. Liam doesn't transfer easily from being rocked to sleep (he rarely rocks to sleep anyway) to his crib, so I knew that I wouldn't be able to get him totally to sleep. I hoped to just calm him and settle him back down. I tried rocking numerous times, and he just kept crying hard.
I went in and got him and took him to my office (it's upstairs with all of the other bedrooms) that has a daybed. The bed is against the wall, so I felt a little safer. I laid him down next to me and he immediately was quiet still. By this time it was 3:30ish in the morning, and I was trying to decide what to do. I know that Liam sleeps well in his crib, and I also knew that his morning sleep would be of better quality if I could transfer him to his crib. However, by this point I was starting to really piece together that he was grieving and I did NOT want to do anything that would make it worse. I laid there and dozed, but opened my eyes off and on and look at him (he was inches from my face). It brought back so many memories of Korea, because I remember it was interesting to see how he fell asleep on his own. And, just like Korea, once he was asleep he started flailing his arms around and hitting me in the face - ha! Especially in a twin-sized daybed, in the wee hours of the morning, it was magnified that co-sleeping isn't ideal for us - haha! I did want to let him get to sleep before I tried anything. I lifted him up and saw his eyes flutter open, but I walked the few steps to his room and put him in bed. I told him how much Mommy loves him and made sure he had his security blanket and bear close by. He immediately fell back asleep and woke up at 10:00 this morning. :)
All that to say, I just feel a discernment that this was a grieving episode, all things considered. I feel like I handled it in a way that provided peace of mind, because I was able to comfort him in the way he needed it and give him security, but I was able to maintain his routine of sleeping in his crib, which also gives him security (he really does enjoy his crib). We've been home a little over two months and this is the first time I feel like we had a grieving episode. And who knows, maybe his teeth were just bothering him or something, but I just have a feeling this was different. I wanted to document it just so we can keep a record of his journey.
He seems to be doing better this morning and is having breakfast as I type. We'll just continue to navigate as we go! I'm so thankful that Liam is here and that he doesn't have to make any more major family transitions!
